Monthly Archives: November 2008

the disappointment of the goat

Hidden in the alleys of Old Delhi is Karim’s: where every tourist goes to feel like they’ve found something authentic. But within this secret Delhi institution lies an even deeper secret. It’s there on the menu, glistening with the greasy prints of a thousand other patrons who have rested their finger on it in wonder:

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Tandoori Bakra. Twenty-four hours. Ninety US dollars. On a menu where the average dish costs $2 and arrives at your table in five minutes, this item sets your mind salivating: with mutton burra this good, what must their tandoori bakra be like? And what the hell’s a bakra?

My tourist dream came true last Sunday, when me and thirty-five of my closest friends descended on Karim’s with our appetites and our orders placed twenty-four hours in advance. What’s a bakra? It’s a whole goat, stuffed with rice and eggs and almonds, slow cooked and presented on a silver platter.

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In the summer of 2000, my band headlined an outdoor pig roast in the woods of Maine. A hundred people, a warm night, an excess of loud music and cold booze all leading up to the main event: the unveiling of the pig. Buried in a pit of coals since early that afternoon, it was scheduled to rise out of the ground like a delicious zombie around ten PM. But the pig took its time, arriving four beer-soaked hours late to meet a frenzied crowd that became piranhas in a David Attenborough special at the sight of it. We surrounded it, tearing at it with bare hands, stuffing pig flesh into our mouths with one claw while reaching for more with the other. It was a vision of man reduced to his basest state: grunting, eating, swallowing, slobbering, wiping his hands on his shirt and going back for more.

It was the most delicious meat I’ve ever had in my life.

And this is what I was expecting to waft out of Karim’s kitchen: melting off the bone, melting into my mouth. My heart leapt by the sudden appearance of men bearing meat, followed by other men bearing tiny knives for us to carve with. Hungry hands sawed and pulled and jerked the flesh off the bone and onto my eager plate.

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And that was when the dream ended. The juicy piece of midsection looked like heaven; but in my mouth, it was rubber. I chewed it for minutes. The rice was delicious, but the meat itself was tragically disappointing. I was expecting a Maine pig roast. I was expecting a street fair turkey leg. I was expecting Thanksgiving. I was expecting Hooters’ hot wings. What I got… was old, chewy meat.

This is the curse of the tourist who spends too much time in the town he’s touring: eventually he discovers that the secret treasures reserved for the locals are, in fact, just old, chewy meat.

Also, points deducted for the boiled egg stuffed in the goat’s former anus.

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the stench of winter delhi

Just over a year ago, we spent our first night in Delhi in my company’s guest apartment at Hamilton Court, twenty-three stories above Gurgaon’s potholed streets. Of the three available bedrooms, our company allocated the biggest to Jenny and I. In an absurdly huge apartment, it was a comically big room, larger than our entire apartment back in Brooklyn.

But there was something wrong with it.

Exhausted from our flight, we’d gone to bed around eight o’clock. Some time before midnight, I shook Jenny awake in panic. “That smell! Do you smell it?!? I think there’s some sort of gas leak!” We were the first people ever to sleep in this brand-new bedroom, and I had visions of our Delhi struggle ending before it began, with the apartment’s live-in servant finding us choked to death from carbon monoxide leaking through the bedroom walls from some poorly-fitted exhaust pipe. What else could explain the thick, enveloping smell of rot and death that had woken me even in my exhausted state?

“We have to leave this room. There’s something wrong with it!” I forced Jenny up and out and into the smallest bedroom with the smallest window, where the stench was not quite as miserable. And that is where the live-in servant was surprised to find us the next morning — Jenny grumpy, but both of us alive.

As it turns out, there was nothing wrong with the bedroom. That egg-scented decay is merely what nights in Delhi smell like in the winter.

It comes on every year at this time, ushered in by Diwali fireworks that create a haze of smoke so thick that it choked to death all those disgusting little flies that plagued us throughout October. It’s the stench of coal-fired power plants, of the brick kilns that almost outnumber cows on the rural roads of Uttar Pradesh, of the dead leaves and plastic chai cups that tent-dwellers and security guards burn to keep warm, and of the hundreds of thousands of cars, trucks, and motorcycles that haven’t yet been converted to run on natural gas. It’s why I’m sick, why Jenny’s sick, and why my poor mom, here in India on holiday, has a voice like a choking victim.

The stench only attacks at night. Daytime is a respite; and as dusk comes, you begin to hope that maybe the weather has finally shifted and the smell has moved on to Haryana. But then the sun sets and the stench rises, permeating every corner of the city like those disgusting little flies; but unlike those disgusting little flies, the odor doesn’t die when you swat at it.

For a while, Delhi was winning the war on winter smog. In 2001, it forced buses, taxis, and auto rickshaws to run on clean-burning compressed natural gas. But the number of new vehicles added have completely offset those gains. Now even the UN is worried about us.

We’re fortunate in that we can escape the stench in our bedroom — which, with its small window, doesn’t circulate much air with the outside. But you step into the living room and it hits you. Did someone open a box of decomposing sewer rat hair? No, that’s just what Delhi smells like this time of year.

the media darlings of California


Here is video proof I was in California last month. You can check out the post on that trip here.

children of Jodhpur

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I know it’s cliche to publish pics of Indian kids, but Jodhpur really did have the friendliest children we’ve encountered in all of India.

jodhpur, udaipur, ranakpur

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from the village to the world

“Why are you taking this common girl, this girl who hardly speaks English, to America?” spat the jealous Indian Continental Airlines official, looking Sarita up and down. She scowled disdainfully at her simple salwar suit, standing out in stark contrast to the background of wealthy Indians travelers dripping in designer treads and jewelry. Those were the people who should have the expensive and coveted opportunity to go to America. NOT these two girls from the village.

Passport Photos

I watched the official make calculations in her head. She really was considering finding a way to deny their ticket. And this was just one of many roadblocks placed in front of Kumkum Chauhan and Sarita Chaudhary, two young students at the Pardada Pardadi Educational Society in Bulandshahar, Uttar Pradesh, as they embarked on an incredible journey 8,000 miles west of their dusty villages to visit the top private schools in America.

Every year, several girls from the school are selected to spend time at sister schools in the US. The goal is to help prepare them for leadership and teaching positions within Pardada Pardadi when they return. Kumkum and Sarita were selected for this trip because of their leadership skills, their excellent grades and attendance.

Kumkum has been struggling to make this trip for over a year ago – ever since her fourteen-year-old brother, who is the man of her household since their father died eleven years ago, told her she couldn’t accept the opportunity to visit the states. You can’t blame his thinking – he left his village at the earliest possible age to work as a houseboy for the good of the family; saying “no” to Kumkum was his chance to feel some power in a life in which he’s ordered around like a slave.

Fortunately, Kumkum’s mother prevailed on her behalf. Now, facing petty and jealous officials, I think I was more nervous than the girls were. As a Senior Project Manager at Pardada Pardadi, I was chosen to accompany the two girls on their trip; but their limited English is far better than my rudimentary Hindi (I know the word for “eggplant” and “cucumber” but not much else). They were shy and I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to explain to them everything they were seeing.

They followed me around like two new shadows, sticking to me in crowds and unwilling to venture on their own even in a calm Delhi market. I worried how they would react to the sights and sounds and smells of America. But their shyness melted away when we stepped onto the plane. “Oh, wow,” said Kumkum, taking in the rows of seats and the clean, modern interior. They murmured in excitement to one another as the plane lifted them into the sky.

Sarita and Kumkum all strapped in.

This was their first plane trip. But that’s not all. Over three weeks, they would encounter more and more experiences they’d never before imagined: escalators. Moving walkways. The ocean. Sand. Seaweed. Boardwalk carnivals. Airshows. Rollercoasters. Boat rides. The Segway. And, of course, Disneyland.

Sartia and Kumkum love pizza!

I was wrong to be nervous about them. Kumkum and Sarita approached America with open arms, embracing everything that was new and different. They were outgoing and curious, plunging head-first into trying new foods and meeting new people. They boasted with pride about how far their home was – as excited as they were to be here, they were proud to be representing northern India.

They charmed and delighted everyone they met. After a conversation with an older cashier at a grocery store (you should have seen their eyes light up at the endless aisles of food and sundries!), the woman exclaimed to her coworkers, “Those girls from India were so sweet!”

all this is detergent?

The purpose of their visit was to understand the US’s education system, and what they saw was a shock to them. They weren’t used to seeing students and teachers converse as equals in a very open environment, discussing and debating rather than listening without question. Their eyes widened at the short skirts on the girls and the shaggy haircuts on the boys (not to mention this billboard). But they adapted and thrived — before long, they were participating like naturals, solving math problems and chatting loudly with students during lunchtime.

Over the three weeks, I watched Kumkum and Sarita transform. They stood up taller, spoke with more confidence, handled new situations with grace and poise – whether they were answering questions from a room full of second graders or getting interviewed on camera by the local news. And I believe they transformed on the inside, too: from their exposure to people of different races, religions, and beliefs; from seeing the technology and environment of a world far different from their own; and especially from meeting people who opened their hearts and homes to them.

First boat ride

I had been worried about spending three weeks as a babysitter who couldn’t speak to her charges. Instead, I spent three weeks experiencing the joy of seeing America through their eyes. I know this is an experience that will enrich their lives; and I feel nothing but joy for having the fortune to have been a part of it.

First supermarket

There are a lot more photos.

About Pardada Pardadi Educational Society
Since 2000, Pardada Pardadi Educational Society has been at the improving the lives of girls in rural India. Its mission is to uplift and empower girls from the poorest sections of society by providing free education and vocational training—creating a new generation of self-reliant and educated girls who will break the cycle of poverty in the region. Learn more at their website.

street gaming in Jodhpur

Jodhpur is a twisting city of centuries-old buildings painted in stunning pastel blue. The sprawling old city spreads chaotically under the shadow of the massive fort; from its ramparts, Jodphur looks no different than it must have five hundred years ago. But while the real estate is ancient, the kids are thoroughly modern.

So engrossed were these kids in the four screens they were watching (Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto, and Tekken Tag) that they didn’t notice us taking pictures. And unlike every other kid we ran across in the city, they didn’t mug our camera when they did finally spot us; instead, they just went back to the game.

Earlier in the day, we’d come across a wedding procession — dancing men, a blushing groom, drums, and a brass band blaring off-key fanfares — making its way through the narrow lanes to some lucky bride’s house. Having given up music when I moved to India, I wanted to grab the trombone, learn the simple licks, and join in the fun.

And now, coming across the gamers, I felt the same longing. I wanted to put my two-rupee coin on the counter (a coin close enough in size to the quarter that the metallic thunk on the clear plastic surface might feel as satisfying) and get my turn to kick ass.

But I was never any good at Tekken. If it had been Mortal Kombat III, then the streets of Jodhpur would still be ringing with the Legend of the Gora Kabal.

(Check back tomorrow for many more pics of Jodhpur.)